Friday, July 16, 2010

Adoption is not a right.

I'm sure that title will rub some the wrong way, but truthfully I've never been very worried about that.  Recently on Debbie B's blog she posted an article from Jurist about a court ruling in Italy that made it illegal for prospective adoptive parents to specify the race of the child they wanted to adopt. (None of these thoughts are Debbie's, btw, so please don't blame her if/when I offend you!)

The post, of course, conjured up some interesting comments and thoughts - most of which were focused on how the law was bad and no one should be made to raise a child of another race if they don't want to.  Well, you know what?  You don't have to.  It is not your right to adopt.  It is not even your right to be a parent.  Not even if you want to be one really, really badly.  None of us deserve the children we have whether birthed by us or not.  But this is even more true in adoption.  The stakes are too high and little lives too valuable to make it about YOU and what YOU want.

When you adopt a child you are gifted with a child that was not intended to be yours.  I don't believe that God plants children in the wrong wombs.  It is not his desire to separate mothers from children, or families from their grandchildren, nieces, cousins, etc.  We are all together on this planet full of imperfection and sin.  Not one of us is perfect.  Adoption is a consequence of the fall.  Of the issues that were never intended to befall precious and innocent children.  Through no fault of their own our beautiful children are taken from their natural families and given to us.  Do I think that it is a horrible and wretched thing from which no one can recover?  No, of course not.  But it is also not a bubbly-happy-sunshine thing either.  There will be heartache and questions.  Sorrow and doubts.  Being the mommy who gets to answer these questions and cuddle my children when they are hurting is a privilege - but not my right.

Remove yourself from the equation for just one minute.  What are your motives for wanting to be an adoptive parent.  Are they selfish or are they because you want to offer a home to child who needs it?  Of course we all adopt or have children because we want to be parents.  There is no doubt about that.  But it also is at it's heart a selfish desire.  We want to fulfill something within ourselves.  Something very natural.  But it doesn't mean we deserve it.

More to say on the article later.  The comments also stirred up (as you can see from my comment on the original post) thoughts regarding raising any child around bigots.  Now that should make for a fun topic! ;)

5 comments:

Rach said...

Hey! I started a discussion on the parenting form on the Bethany Boards about "What is adoption?" One thing I thought of is, "Is adoption ministry?" The discussion came to me as a spin-off of Maureen's thread about box checking on the gen forum (which you took part in). Anyway, I wonder if you believe adoption is or is in part, ministry? Maybe you could answer that in a future blog post. :) Also, I'd love to feature your family on my transracial blog. let me know if you're interested.

Lisa said...

Andi, email me your login info again, something happened to my backgrounds which affected yours, I'm so so sorry!

Debbie B said...

Very well said.
Look forward to you tackling that last bit. Raising any child around a bigot.

Melba said...

Great post. You kind of said what I wanted to say but couldn't quite articulate. Can't wait for the next chapter... :)

Melba

tcadenhead said...

Very good thoughts!!