Sunday, April 11, 2010
Gender Preference in Adoption.
Now I get that in international adoption many times you must state a preference. But in domestic adoption that is not the case. I guess my main issue with stating a preference is that it instantly becomes all about you and what you want, it has nothing to do with the child. Of course it is ultimately up to the expectant mother/family and if they don't mind a person saying they want a boy or girl, well then that's up to them. But the bottom line is adoption needs to be about the child and not about what we as adoptive parents want. Besides, ultrasounds are not fool proof. If this child comes out a boy is the a-family going to refuse him and give him back? If any of us a-parents were pregnant would we not accept our child if they came out as our non-preferred gender? No, adoption is not natural childbirth, but I believe that we should all have the same commitment to our adopted children as if we birthed them. So if we cannot choose through pregnancy why should we be able to choose in adoption?
Our first adoption was through an agency and they would not allow gender specificity in a domestic adoption. I appreciated that. This time around we stated no preference as the choice is God's, not mine. I guess this all just bothers me because it feels like adoptive parents trying to get even in the baby-making game. Something like, "well if I cannot conceive I should at least be able to get what I really want!" Perhaps this is not how it is and I am certainly not pointing any fingers, this is just how it seems to me.
Again, I understand that adoption is not childbearing in the same way, but shouldn't your commitment and unconditional love to that child be the same from the very beginning? I welcome your thoughts!