Monday, March 22, 2010

Open Adoption Interview Project: The Reveal.

So here it is!  The day we get to introduce our partner from the Open Adoption Interview Project.  Here is a link to all those who participated.

As I stated in my last post, my partner is SJ over at From the Mind of a Birthmom.   I was so looking forward to her answers!  I have already learned so much from her and other first moms who have been willing to share their story, I was blessed to be matched up with her.

Without further ado!

1.  In the beginning you state that you and B and C agreed on pictures and letters only.  How did that change?
When Cory was first admitted to Children's Hospital S and Ccalled the agency and asked them to let me know what was going on and invite me to visit them in the hospital.  I wasn't sure how I felt about it but ended up taking my mom with me to see Cory in the NICU.  S and C were very happy to see us and told us that they felt very strongly that we should know what was going on with Cory.  They also had no family in-state and needed the support.  I was invited to visit the hospital as much as I wanted to support them and make sure Cory was alone as little as possible.  I ended up being there every other day on average.  The times that I was not there C would call to see if I was coming over.  When he was discharged we had made no plans to see each other again, but S and C surprised me again by inviting my family and I over to visit about once a month or so.  The relationship grew from there and now we see each other quite often, sometimes several times a month.

That, of course, is the very, very abridged version of the story :)


2.  Have you and S and C discussed telling Cory about the circumstances of his conception?
We have not discussed what to tell Cory about the circumstances on his conception.  To be honest, I'm not sure S and C know what the circumstances actually were.  When discussing it with them I have been rather vague. 

If it were my call, I would not tell Cory about the circumstances.  I consider that part of my story and not necessarily his.  Aside from that, I do not believe it would be in Cory's best interest to give him the complete story since there is a possibility he will have the opportunity of a relationship (or at least an introduction) with his birth father in the future.  If that were to happen I would not want to shape Cory's perception of J for him.  He will need to make up his own mind regarding what kind of person J is and how he/they want to conduct any kind of relationship.

Even though I do not intend to influence Cory in regards to J, I know that Cory may directly ask me questions regarding his birth father at some point.  If he does I will do my very best to answer him honestly without inserting too much of my personal feelings.

Then again, it may not be my choice at all :)  I will let S and C make the final decision but I hope to discuss this with them when the timing is appropriate.


3.  What is your biggest dream for Cory?  What is your biggest fear?
My biggest dream for Cory?  EVERYTHING! :)  I dream that he will grow up surrounded by love.  That he will love school and sports, find a job/career that he loves, meet a woman who loves him more than anything on earth, and only have a little bit of heartbreak in order to develop character.  I dream that he will love and serve the Lord his entire life and understand what he believes and why.  I dream that he will love and respect family and friends and have a long full life.

My biggest fear is that he will become like his birth father either in personality or actions.  So far no reason for concern.


4.  What is your advice for potential adoptive parents when preparing the dreaded "profile book"?
The best advice anyone can offer is let yourself shine through in your profile.  That includes everything: good, bad and ugly. :)  The more real you are in the profile, the easier it will be to "connect" with you on paper.  People can tell when you are being fake, even on paper.  This does mean there will be women and men who pass right over your profile but that would happen anyway.  Believe me when I say it is for the best. :)

In regards to the letter, avoid saying anything like "thank you for choosing life," "you are so brave," or anything else along those lines.  You may mean it with all your heart but it comes across very cliche on paper.  Besides, that is exactly what everyone else is writing.  Be original :)  Also, do not start with "Dear Birth parent(s), . . ."  In most cases, the woman has not given birth yet, therefore they are "expectant mom/dad".  In cases where they have given birth they are simply "mom/dad."  I know people talk about this all the time but it cannot be emphasized enough, especially when the agencies usually do not teach this.

Include pictures that show your family doing the things you love, any kid areas you have in your house (i.e. backyard playground, nursery, etc.) and pictures of people the child would have frequent, close contact with if they allow it (i.e. aunts, uncles, close friends, etc.).

Anything I didn't cover?  Just ask! :)


5.  If you could tell adoptive parents one thing regarding their children, what would it be?
Be open to the fact that your child may want to know more than you know about where and who they came from.  It does not mean they love you less or want to replace you.  You wanted to add to your family; your child is simply wanting to add to theirs :)


6.  Do you hope to get married and have other children some day?
Yes!!  I can't WAIT to get married and have more children.  Right now the children are more of a draw than the husband, but that's because I know what a joy children are and have yet to meet a man who brings me such joy ;).  Hopefully someday (soon!) I will meet a man worth my time.  Do you know anyone?  Anyone want to set me up? :D


7.  Do you want to visit NYC? ;)
Absolutely!!  Can I sleep on your floor?? lol

Seriously, I have always wanted to visit New York City.  The closest I have come is sitting in the airport.  You can't see a single tourist site from there so I hardly think that counts!  Anytime you need/want a visitor let me know :)


8.  Do you have a favorite blog to read?  If so, why is it your favorite?
hmm . . . yes, there are two three four that I LOVE to read when I have time (well, aside from your blog of course ;)! ).  Can't pick just one :)

The first one is Heather at On Icarus' Wings.  She is a close friend of mine that I originally met online and I love how she writes and her point of view.  More often than not she puts me in my place when necessary and offers a great perspective on life and adoption.  IRL she makes me laugh.  A lot.

The second one is Jenni at In His Easy Yoke.  She is very eloquent and always brings up points that I have never considered.  Also, she is very grounded in the Word and has a wonderful attitude toward life and adoption.  And she just plain rocks.  It's true.

The third one we all know very, very well.  She is Heather at Production, Not Reproduction.  Sister, you rock.  She is a great writer who started a great project (Open Adoption Bloggers) and does a fantastic job linking to community of adoption bloggers together.  I have been introduced to so many blogs and people that I never would have found without her. 

And one that is not adoption-related . . . Scott at Soulmates with Christ aka Noble Blogging.  He is a pastor at my church who wrote a book called Noblesse Oblige.  He is a great writer, very good at expressing his ideas and loves doing it.  And he is a great person IRL :)

There are so many more that I love to read!  Next time I'll just give you my entire blogroll (50+ blogs) :D

1 comment:

Kelly said...

Awesome!

I always love reading SJ's perspective on things.

My favortie from this was:

"You wanted to add to your family; your child is simply wanting to add to theirs :)"