I follow a lot of adoption blogs and one of the families just was placed this past weekend with their precious baby boy. Whenever I read a blog, or find out from a friend, or even hear about someone meeting their adopted child for the first time I still get goose bumps. The good kind... and the not-so-good kind.
I remember the feelings so well of when we first met KJ and his mom. I remember all the mixed emotions that came that first day and for many days after that. So now when I see, read or hear about a placement a part of me wants to hug that family and tell them the best and worst are about to come. You will love your child unconditionally and the good will always outweigh the bad. But in adoption there will always be another family in the picture. It won't just be you and your child. You will always remember their first parents and, if you're like me, wonder about them and hurt for them often.
Not enough is said about the hard part of adoption. And I don't mean the waiting and making a profile. Heck, those are the easy parts! I don't question that KJ is my son. I never have. I did, however, remember feeling like somebody made a mistake and this child should be with the mom who brought him in to the world, not me! It's so hard to explain because it never negated my love for him, not even a bit. It was just such a feeling of... well... helplessness. I was not at all in control of all that was happening and one woman's painful situation became my life's greatest joy. Now take that and make sense of it...?
A lot of people will tell you about their adoption and say they wouldn't change a thing. Well, that's not true of me. I would change something. I would change the fact that my son is forever separated from his biological family. They may or may not ever know him. And that is not by our choice. Even children raised in a continuously open adoption I imagine will have their own measure of pain and questioning to deal with. So although I know 'S' made the choice to give her son life and to give him to me, it still doesn't always make things easier. Not always...