Monday, September 14, 2009

Cost of Adoption - Guest Blogger Kelly

Last week my blog buddy, Kelly, wrote a great post on the cost of adoption and people being nosy jerks.I asked her if I could "Guest" blog her here so others could see it.  I think it says a lot about just how bold people can be!

You see, if you can get pregnant no one bats an eye at how you will pay your medical expenses or the cost of having another child.  BUT if you are adopting all of the sudden your financial situation is the world's business somehow.  We have not personally dealt with infertility but I can't imagine how painful this must be for someone who has.  It's just thoughtless and no ones business!  Even in our case people wonder why we don't "just get knocked up" - after all insurance would pay for that and life would be hunky dory, right?  Well, that is not what God has led us to.  And it's really no ones business to say otherwise.  OK, enough of my rant.  Without further adieu... Kelly... (hope you don't mind, Kell.  I stole your picture too!)

Feeling a bit irked
It's seems like no matter what you do, adoption is cloaked in financial issues.

I've been told that perhaps we shouldn't adopt if can't afford it. I know I'm not the only one to be told this. It's a pretty common response, I guess.

When we brought Nathan home, and when we were in the process to adopt, people asked about the money quite a bit. I don't mind being asked, since I don't have anything to hide. But then something clicked in me this week.

I listen to Dave Ramsey a couple of times a week. Not all the time, and usually only if I'm in the car in the afternoon. I love his common sense aproach to money, and his advice has helped us get out of debt.

The reason I mention him, is I heard a call a couple of months ago about adoption. The lady was in a similar financial situation as us, and was looking at a loan to adopt. He told her that he never supports debt. Then this week he told a caller to put off getting out of debt to have a baby. His reason was there is never a "perfect" time to start a family. I agree with him, really. But this is what got me thinking.

When you get pregnant, you have insurance to cover most if not all of the costs. Pregnancy/Labor & Deliver cost a pretty penny. A friend of mine told me that her portion of it all was right up there with our adoption loan.

So why then do people feel the need to look down on adopting parents? Should I go around asking people if they can afford their hospital bills? Should I tell them not to get pregnant because they might need an emergency C-Section & haven't budgeted for that? No, I would never dream of telling people that.

I guess I am tired of feeling like a second class citizen in this parenting world.



Jenn said...

Amen! We are adopting domestically (an older child, mind you) and one of the main concerns people have raised with us is cost. Now, older child domestic adoptions don't cost a thing. But I know infant and international adoptions do. Is money really a good reason for a child to stay family-less?? I think not!

All in all, I have pretty much decided that people don't know how to handle adoption. When people have babies, there are parties and cards and presents. When we got our daughter....nothing. She was a foster placement, which made it a little trickier, because her stability was unknown. But still, adoption is just kind of a weird thing to those who aren't involved.

Jenn @

Leah said...

Wow. . . This post really hit home for me. My husband and I are in the adoption process, and the cost is SCARY. But we are adopting. End of discussion. I had a family member suggest that maybe we hold off on adopting. REALLY? To me, that was just the most insensitive comment I could have heard. Frustrating how insensitive people can be.