Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Choices in Adoption.


This post should be subtitled - Things I Don't Like in Adoption: Part 2. I have talked many times about the dreaded "Matching Forms" and how you basically have to go down a list and check boxes of things you will and will not accept in your future child. I am sure it is difficult and heart wrenching for EVERY family to do this. I know it was for us. But I honestly did not think at the time about how my actions at that specific time were basically denying a child somewhere a home. Because when you say "yes" to some, you are saying "no" to others. Tough stuff, right?

So I know that this time around it will be possibly even harder as we will be presented with situations, actual children, that we will have to say yes or no to. I don't know how I'm going to be able to stand doing that.

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5 comments:

Melba said...

I know...that was one of the hardest things we ever had to do. I still hate it, and we were pretty open to most things...

Melba

Debbie B said...

That is one of the main reasons we did decide to be open to race. My husband was open to most races but not all. But to me it felt like saying no to a child just because of their skin color which obviously we were. So in the end we said all and left it in God's hands. That's how we were with health issues too pretty much. Unless we knew without a doubt that we couldn't handle it we either put yes or willing to discuss.
It's one of the unnatural things about becoming parents through adoption. You can say yes and no to some things that biological parents can't. But then I guess they can too which is why some children are placed for adoption. Sorry to ramble you just got me thinking.

Kelly said...

My friends speak my mind!

TXMom2B said...

I agree, but here's what I think of as the other side of that coin: when you say no to a child, you are letting another waiting parent have their chance. I think God can use those check boxes to bring each child to their chosen parents. That is especially true for healthy domestic newborns, but not so much for unhealthy kids of all ages and older foster kids. I did hate the race check-boxes, but we had a good reason, for the child's sake, to not parent a certain race. I know that child will be much better served in another home, and the child we did adopt will be treated right by his entire extended family. I hope our family will change, but, unless that miraculously happens, the race check boxes are necessary for the kids' sake:-(

Andi-bo-bandi said...

I see what you are saying, TXMom. But I wouldn't want my white/green/blue or orange kids raised around racist people either! KWIM? It is sad but something we need to take a stand against in some way. I am a strong believer in miracles, btw. ;-)