Monday, June 15, 2009

What option is adoption?

I've been thinking a lot lately about adoption and how it plays into the life of a family.  (And a post here sparked my thoughts again today.) At what point does it become a real option for someone?  Why do some families adopt and some do not?  Why will some spend thousands and thousands of dollars on infertility treatments and some never even bother?  It's all very intriguing to me because it says a lot about family formation and, to an extent, values.

What it boils down to in my mind is basically it is a God-thing.  Because we live in a broken and fallen world we humans have had to come up with some sort of way to make things work.  In a perfect world my son would not even be my son.  He would be with his first mama.  She would have not had to make this choice.  Don't get me wrong, I do believe whole heartedly that the Lord knew this boy would be my son.  But I also know that he knows our hearts, hands, and actions and he knew before KJ ever entered his mama's womb that she would not be able to keep him.  That she would make the choice to hand her child to me.   And that my family would grow in this way and hers would diminish at that same moment.  I take none of this for granted.

I know that God opens and closes wombs for different reasons.  And for some I think that reason is to get them to consider adopting when otherwise they might not have.  Not because any of us have a right or deserve to raise someone else's child, but because God knew it needed to happen.  Just because I wanted to be an adoptive mother does not mean that I deserved it.  In God's grace and mercy he provided me with my heart's desire.  But if he said no, I had to be OK with that too.  My husband and I do not have any known fertility problems.  We've never even "tried" to have biological children.  God led us to adoption right away.  But for some it happens differently and that is OK too.

A friend just discovered that she is unexpectedly pregnant.  For years they tried and did not conceive and they have a beautiful child brought to them through adoption.  Now they will have a biological one too!  So maybe for a time the gift of conception was not offered to them because that child needed them.  If they had gotten pregnant back then they would not have the child they have now.  A God-thing?  I think so...

You can think whatever you like.  Maybe you are not a believer.  But regardless there does seem to be an order to things and I attribute that to the Lord.  Either way you must admit things do seem to happen for a reason... maybe they are not even reasons that you like or agree with.  But everything around us does happen regardless of whether we participate or sit back and watch.  I chose to be a participant.  And thankfully so did my husband.

So long story short?  Don't take anything in life for granted.  It all falls in place for a purpose.  How you got there doesn't matter as much as why you are there.



Kristy said...

So true, my friend, so true. As I look back, I can see the things that have happened in our journey that have lead us to adoption and our beautiful daughter. It was definitely a God thing.

Kelly said...

I know God chose Aliya to be my daughter, just as He chose Joel to be my step son. His plan may not make sense right away (or ever for that matter) but knowing it's HIS plan, I rest assured that it will all work out!!!

thank you for sharing your heart!

Mary said...

I also believe that in a perfect world, my daughter would be living happily with her first parents in China. I know many who would think I'm crazy for even entertaining that thought. I mourn for her lost life as I celebrate the new life we are making together.
I am so much calmer now that we are talking about pursuing adoption again. Because I know that all we have to do is keep walking forward on this road and God will lead us to the right destination.

Holly said...

This is intriguing to me too. I've often wondered how it is that adoption never even enters into the minds of some folks... or it does but they just can't even conceive of adopting... and then for others it seems to have been planted in their hearts for years and years, since they were small... I do believe God's hand is in that too.

Debbie B said...

There is no doubt in my mind that Isabel was meant to be our daughter. I've seen God's hand through our adoption process from the small details to the large ones.
We tried to have a bio child but never sought any fertility treatments because we knew that we were called to adopt. It's always made me wonder why more people don't adopt. I recently learned the number of women that have fertility issues and with that number (7.3 million) it makes me very sad for the number of children sitting in foster care or orphanages because people don't follow what God has placed in many hearts.