Your first assignment is to think back to who you were when open adoption first entered into your life. As with so many things in life, thinking about open adoption without having experienced it and actually living it out are two very different things. What do you know now that you wish you knew then? Has the reality of open adoption as it's looked in your life matched your expectations? What one thing about open adoption would you tell your past self, if you could? (If you're still in the beginning stages of your adoption journey, flip the question around: What one thing do you wish you could ask your future self about open adoption?) Be as creative or straightforward as you wish.Honestly? I think the one thing I wasn't expecting was that we would not hear from our son's first mom... it's been almost a year since we've had any contact from her. We have not moved and have kept all of our information current with the agency. One day she just stopped calling and we haven't heard a thing since. We were meant to have a meeting at our house last August and she did not show. It was confusing to me and I was grateful that my son wasn't old enough to understand what had happened.
I know that she cares and I know that she loves him. I think she just needed to be separate from us for awhile to get her life back on track. We remain as open as ever and hope she comes back around. We don't know where she is. She moved and did not leave a forwarding address with us or the agency. Her previous cell number is disconnected. So we just wait.
Lesson learned? You can be as open as you want, but it is still a two-sided endeavor. You have to respect your child's first families feelings and wishes regardless of what they are.
We were always open to a fully open adoption. We said from the first meeting with our social worker that we felt that an open adoption would be the best thing for whatever child entered our family. We just weren't prepared for it to become closed from the other side...
Introducing the Open Adoption Roundtable ~ Production, Not Reproduction | A blog about open adoption