Wednesday, May 27, 2009

No Winners in Adoption?

Sometimes it is so hard to be a part of this adoption "triad" (birth family, adoptive family, adoptee). You just don't know what you *can* say or what you *shouldn't* say. Who is going to be offended? Who is going to be hurt?

Let me enlighten you as to what got my thoughts going in this way today. I came across two articles/blog posts regarding adoption. Of course you must take all these things with a grain of salt. One person's opinion is not every person's opinion. This one is a blog post about coercion in adoption and how "all adoptions are not coerced." Well, no, they are not. But are some? Yes. Should we forget those that were in favor of the "good" adoptions? Is any adoption "good"?

Secondly, I was reading this opinion post about the wording used in adoption. She espouses that you shouldn't use the term "give up" but "make an adoption plan" instead. Sounds OK, right? Well, no... read the comments following. Apparently by using more polite terminology we are all trying to cover up the pain of a woman surrendering her child???

It's all too much for me! Oy!


Friday, May 22, 2009

An Odd Duck.

The more blogs I read, the more I realize how odd I am.  LOL  I think it is because most of the blogs I end up reading are focused on parenting or family.   Most are written by women.  Most are adoptive moms.  And most are stay-at-home moms.

I am not a mush.  You'll never find me bearing my soul on my blog.  I'll probably never talk about the love I have for my husband or the wonder and joy I feel when I look at my son.

I never dreamt growing-up of being a mom and a wife.  I knew I wanted those things but it was never really my sole focus.  I didn't really play with dolls and mother them.  I liked Barbie and dressing her up.  I often chopped her hair off.  Then I'd have to start over with a new one...

I wanted to adopt and I wanted to always work in a field where I was helping someone.  I just prayed for a man who would respect those desires. I got him.

I like to work outside my home.  I love spending time with my son but I also love working in the world.  I like meeting new and different people.  I like people who are castoffs or weirdos.  (So if you are my friend IRL, you can now wonder about which category you are in.) :)

I can't even sew a button onto pants.  I am a decent cook and enjoy that.  I HATE scrapbooking.  I cannot imagine taking the time to glue or stick or paste all those little letters and papers on a page.  I tried it once and failed miserably.  

I don't do crafts.  I'd much rather read a book.

My house is neat and tidy but I don't find any joy in cleaning.  My husband I split all the household chores.

I love to decorate.  I have a thing about everything in my house having a place.  I am a freak about putting everything in it's place at the end of the day.

I have a planting bed in the front of my house and have been bugging my husband to build me a raised bed to grow veggies in the back.  (I hope he reads this.) :)

I like to think I am well-rounded but I am pretty sure I am actually narrow-minded.

This turned into a rambling mess.  But maybe now you know more than you ever wanted to about Andi...

PS I, for one, am glad we are all so different.


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

BEST week ever!

In following up to my last post I had to share a happy thing that happened last week too... We are finally FINALIZED! Hallelujah is all I can say.  It was almost one year to the day from placement that we finally are done.  We can now get a real social security number for KJ and will also get his "new" birth certificate.  (I think that giving us a birth certificate that says we conceived and gave birth to him is crap... but that's a story for another day.)  Right now we are just reveling in the fact that our son is officially our son!  We didn't need the piece of paper to tell us that, but it is nice to have his name officially with ours.  We are blessed!

Monday, May 18, 2009

W.O.R.S.T. W.E.E.K E...V...E...R!!!!

OK, if you have had a crappier week than this one... I challenge you to a two-fisted-crapola-week-duel!  Once I explain all this it will become apparent why I have not updated in over a week.  Much to say, too many preoccupations...

Two Fridays ago my Uncle passed away.  Bad thing, right?  Well we had to drive all the way to Western Pennsylvania for the funeral.  We saw family and that was good.  Funerals are never fun, but it was nice to see everyone.  Well the day we are set to leave KJ had a massive poopy blow-out in his diaper.  No other way to explain it.  Then he proceeds to barf all over our friends carper where we were staying.  We just want to get home so we pack up our sick baby and begin the 6.5 hour drive.  Can I just say puke, poop and car seats don't mix so well?  Pulling over on Route 80 and emptying a nasty car seat cover is no fun.

We got home and then Kevin got sick with whatever KJ had (and still has mind you).  Poor KJ just stands around and whines at us all day until we cuddle him.  He is not barfing anymore but still has... well, I won't go there.  Just try to imagine changing crib sheets 4 times in less than 48 hours.  Blech!  I need a real vacation!


Thursday, May 7, 2009

World AIDS Orphan Day

That's what today is.  Truthfully I didn't know that until I read it this morning on Holly's blog.  I encourage anyone who is considering adoption to consider adopting an HIV+ child.  It is not as scary as it sounds and those with HIV can and do live long full lives.

We hope to make a home for one of these children in the future.  Of course we have our fears and concerns.  But God is faithful and if this is something that He calls us to we will jump in with both feet!  (Yes, I do realize I cannot adopt all of the needy, HIV+, orphaned children of the world.  But I can sure try!)

Say a prayer for these kids tonight and click on the link below to make a difference.

Good night and God bless!

Food for Thought...

Today, 6,500 people will die as a result of AIDS.

6,000 of those people will leave behind children.

Those children will join the already 15 million children who have lost parents to this treatable disease.

2.3 million children are infected with HIV world-wide.

Most pediatric infection occurs in mother-to-child transmission - the virus infects while the immune system is immature,making it easy for the virus to disseminate through the body.

It is estimated that, without treatment, 50% of HIV+ children in resource-poor settings will die by the age of two.


Monday, May 4, 2009

True Confessions.

 Lately on a message forum that I frequent there was a discussion about electronic toys and the benefits/harm of them.  It got me to thinking about all the things I do in my day-to-day parenting that would probably be considered by some to be just awful.  In the spirit of honesty I am laying it all out there.  Feel free to join in and hash out your own feelings of guilt and parenting shame!  (Just kidding.  I am actually not at all ashamed or guilt-ridden about my parenting style.)  I think it is funny though how quick we are to point a finger so I figured me putting some stuff out there might make you all laugh (or call DSS on me) and feel a bit better.  Enjoy!

1.  I never rocked or held my son until he slept.  We thought, and still think, from the very beginning that this would only lead him to rely on us to get to sleep.  I know some folks do this and just love it.  For us?  No way.  Sleepy time is sleepy time and cuddling can be reserved for other times.  NOTE: KJ has slept through the night since 2 months old.  So it can't be that detrimental.  He sleeps now from 7:30pm - 8:00am without waking.

2.  I give him sweet things and *gasp* juice!  Yes, my son is only 1 and has tasted the sweet things of life like chocolate, juice and even a lollipop.  Oh, and he's had french fries too!  (Ready to call DSS yet?)

3.  I will not homeschool.  Nope.  No way.  No how.  If you are cut out for this and it is how you want/can do things in your family, well then more power to ya.  I have no interest in it nor do I think it is necessary to raise healthy, grounded Christian children.  It is not something I am convicted about.   (NOTE:  I have no problem with homeschooling.  Just the opposite.  I think it is great for one main reason... more time with your kids.  The rest?  Eh, you don't need to be the sole influence on your kids to raise them right.)

4.  KJ has many noisy toys.  Yes, and some of them even operate on batteries!  His favorite things right now are a wooden spoon and an empty box, but the other toys are still there and I don't plan to throw them out.

5.  I work outside of my home.  Whoa!  Bad Andi.  Big fat sinner bad mommy Andi.  Ready to call the Pope or Grand Pooba of your church?  Go for it.  I have a job and I actually LOVE it.  Do I love being with my son?  Of course I do.  More than anything in the world.  But I also love to work.  I love to make a difference both inside and outside of my domicile.  A crazy, reckless mama am I!

6.  I am admittedly too quick to pick up my son when he is upset.  My husband chastises me all the time.  If he is crying or fussing I give in to him way too easy.  I am a sucker for my cute kid.

7.  I have said many a swear word in front of my infant son.  I am fearful that the first real word out of his mouth will be something unspeakable.  I am working on this.  No, I do not swear regularly but sometimes you are really upset and screaming "Oh shoot" or "darnit" just doesn't cut it.

8.  Most assuredly my son will be addicted to name brand shoes.  He is 1 and has already owned at least 25 pairs of shoes.  I just bought him the freaking cutest pair of K-Swiss sneakers online last week.

9.  I have no idea when I will be able to get KJ to stop drinking from his bottle.  He still gets four a day.  Yes, he is totally on milk only now but we still let him have the bottle.  My friend Laura had her son off of the bottle completely at 13 months.  God bless her.  I don't know how she did it.

10.  I love my son more than anything in this world.  He will have serious mommy issues when he is older because of this.  I dote on him too much, I let him have his way too much, and I love on him too much.  I plan to embarrass him as much as possible as a teenager.



Sunday, May 3, 2009

What a great weekend!

This weekend brings back so many good memories of our first moments with our sweet KJ.  It was one year ago yesterday, May 2nd, that we brought our boy home.  We had to wait seven days from finding out about our son to meeting him.  Those days were so difficult but so worth it.  I know that S needed those days to be assured of her decision and I know we needed those days to understand the pain of wanting something you couldn't have.

Here is our first family photo...
And KJ's first day home...

And to make things even better... A new family was formed this weekend by the miracle of adoption!   Melba  has a new member of her family.  Her little guy reminds me so much of KJ when we brought him home.  Hop on over and offer her and Mike your congrats!