Monday, April 6, 2009

Not for everyone.

Let me be honest and say that it is very hard for me to accept that transracial adoption is just not for everyone. Because in my heart it should be. My gut and my spirit tell me that a child's race should not matter when adopting. In my ideal world (as you all know) "matching forms" would not exist. Adoptive parents would not get to "choose" the child for their family. The adoption industry - as it exists today - would not be. It just would not. Yes, all in Andi's idealistic utopia these things would not matter, nor would they exist.

  • Society would not dictate, nor cause a family to believe, that because of the color of a child's skin that you could not be good parents to him or her because your skin is different.
  • They would not tell you that you could not do right by that child because you don't have enough friends similar to them in ethnicity.
  • They would not tell you (or you would not tell yourself) that you are not "cultured" enough to raise a black child.
  • You would not think that your family would reject your child.
  • You would not fear the glances or looks you would get from others.
  • You would not think that you had to be:
(a) into hip-hop music
(b) residing in a large city
(c) surrounded by racially sensitive people
(d) an expert in ethnic hair care
(e) versed in African American history or
(f) OK if your black son does not like basketball.
It just wouldn't matter. Because in the end all you really need to give a child a home is love. Idealistic or improbable? Yes. Far-fetched nor impossible? Nope. So again, call me crazy. But I kinda like my crazy world. So no offense taken.

And before everyone thinks I am bad-mouthing people who were not as open as us. I am not. I am expressing my distaste for society. Our standards are jacked-up. Our hearts are confused. Our language is disdainful. Our views are foggy.

I am a student of sociology and know that none of us exists separate from how and what the societal norms and beliefs are. So overall I am bad-mouthing ALL of us. I just can't wait to get to heaven. Ugh.


Kyle and Crystal said...

Andi, thanks for your thoughts and what you share. You are better than I - I tend to get angry when thinking of the role that race plays in the whole "game" of adoption. I can't help but think that when those around me would rather "pass" on a child of any ethnicity other than white, that they are telling me (without saying) that they would rather wait years for a child than to have my beautiful girl. As if she is less valuable because of her skin. I can't imagine the frustration (if it were me - I'd be pissed lol) when I hear people say "any race except full african american". Any child (or no child at all) would be better than your son? Its just amazing to me. I still struggle with how to deal with people. I need more compassion I suppose.

Leslie said...

Thank you! Really Thank you for saying it!

Brea said...

Amen sister! THANKS for speaking your heart....people need to hear this.

P.S. The agency is Valley of Hope

JSECCE said...

I could not agree with you more. Great post!

Melba said...

Hi Andi,

Oh my gosh, I LOVE this post! I love your view of how our world should be too! You said,

"I am expressing my distaste for society. Our standards are jacked-up. Our hearts are confused. Our language is disdainful. Our views are foggy."

and I couldn't agree more!

Thank you for speaking up about this, and for sharing your views. I think the only way any of this can or will ever change is if more people start speaking up and talking openly and honestly about their feelings and beliefs.


Melodie said...

found you through blessed by 3 miracles. love this post! and love your cute little boy! beautiful family!