Thursday, March 5, 2009

Adoptive mom guilt...


Do you ever get this? I do from time to time. I feel crappy that I have the gift of my son and that S does not have him anymore. Woe is me, right? Go ahead, you can tell me to just get over it. But seriously, should I? I don't think so. I think the thoughts of her give me such a deep appreciation for her and *our* son that I never want to stop feeling these feelings.

I get sick to my stomach when I read/hear folks saying stuff like "Oh, you've given this baby a better life" or "At least he will have the chance for this or that" or "Now at least he'll have a mommy and a daddy." WTHeck people? S would have made an excellent mother. She loved/loves him will all her heart! The decision she made - she made of her own volition. But that does not mean she would've been a bad mother. She did not have the support she needed, nor the means. But that doesn't make me a better mommy than she would've been. It just makes me different.

3 comments:

Tracy said...

I'd never tell you to 'get over it'. I love your thoughts on this, Andi! What a precious gift you have in your beautiful son and you couldn't imagine your life any other way. Of course! What a blessing he is to everyone that meets him. Never lose this love and respect you have for S. KJ will glean this from you and will only love you more for all you think and feel for the woman that gave YOU to him. You and Kev are wonderful parents! xox

kbell said...

Yep, I feel ya! I cringe when people tell me what a better life Nathan will have. I too pray that I never stop feeling this way for A & S (nathan's parents.)

Kyle and Crystal said...

Oh Andi - I feel you! We just had our third post placement visit with Kinsey's first mom and grandma and after we left I just cried for them and the fact that they are without our beautiful daughter in their life. I hurt for them. I will be blogging about this soon - I really need to process it all.