Thursday, January 8, 2009

Birth Mom Blues...

I think for the first time in my life I have been naive. I am admitting it here openly. Andi was/is naive. Clueless. Silly. Lacking in basic common sense. Slap me silly and call me blond! Ha, ha, just kidding to all my blond friends.

I talk often of how hard adoption is, that it is not peaches and cream (or cookies and cream depending on your preference). It is not easy. You will not adopt a child and look at them and see yourself - you will still see their birth parents. As it should be, this child was not born of your womb. They will not resemble you. You will find yourself often thinking of their other mother. Your heart may break at what they are missing. You may mourn as they mourn. I was not completely prepared for this. I was naive.

Most of you know that we met KJs first mom the day of placement. We even went to her apartment before we left to return home to NY. We heard from her often during the first couple of months but have not heard anything in six months. My heart aches for her. Often I see her face in my mind and wonder if she is OK. Selfishly I want to know. But also for KJ. I want her to have a relationship with him. I thought this would be the easy part of it. I was naive.

I pray for her and our son. I pray that she does want to continue a relationship with him and with us. I pray her heart is doing the healing it needs to right now. She knows where to reach us and for that I am so grateful. I would never want to have to explain to my son how I kept him from her or her from him. We owe him and her at least that much. Maybe I am naive in that as well. But I don't care about
that part of it.

3 comments:

Brea said...

Girl, I feel ya. I often have the birth mom blues, esp. since we have never met her. I find myself wondering what she looks like, acts like, if M.E. looks like her, etc. I just pray for her, what else can I do?

Holly said...

You're right, it is so very hard. Adoption is truly bittersweet in so many ways. With Bereket, she's already lost her language (I know more Amharic than she does now)... I just pray that she is able to always keep some memories of her first family. I don't know if there is a chance to reunite with sibs someday or not, but I pray there is.

marisbush said...

Love this... Thanks for sharing! I often feel the same way. Our mom doesn't want to have contact with us right now and I am praying that as she heals, one day she will. I will continue to honor her with my words, pray for her and love our son with all of my heart!