Thursday, September 25, 2008

Red Letters Campaign... Blog Buzz question of the week.

I have begun blogging for the Red Letters Campaign. Each week they have a "Blog Buzz" question that they ask you to answer to help others who may be considering adoption.  This weeks question is:

  • To Commit your heart or not?  There is much debate in the adoption world about when you throw your heart into the mix. . .upon first sight of that referral picture?  Or not until the court date?  Homecoming Date?  Share your thoughts and experience!
Our story is a bit different since we adopted domestically.  There was no "referral" - no pictures beforehand.  One day we were a family of two, the next (literally) we were a family of three.  We received a call on Thursday morning and KJ had been born the day before.  We had to travel out of state to meet him and stay in that state for about a week before we could return home.  He became our son the moment we got that first "call".  What is referred to in the domestic adoption world as "THE call".  So simple in words, but so complex in emotions.  We waited only a brief time (three months from approval) to be matched with our son.  Before that we had been matched with a potential expectant-mom and were out of the "waiting pool" for a monthSo if you take that month out we really only waited eight weeks.  

As for committing your heart? There is still a period of uncertainty in domestic adoption.  From KJ's birth to when mom signed TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) there was still a waiting period of seven days.  During that time S could have changed her mind at any time.  Lucky for us KJ was in interim care during this time. I know that some parents have taken the baby in only to have to return him or her.  We would have taken a "legal risk placement" but were relieved that we didn't have to. The one week of waiting was hard enough without even having ever seen a picture of him!

I don't think there is any such thing as "guarding your heart."  We were committed to our son from the moment we got that phone call.  He was ours in our hearts.  If S had changed her mind we would have hurt, for sure.  But not taking him into our hearts and family from that moment would have robbed us of the joy of planning for him regardless of what the outcome was.  We firmly believed that the Lord meant for him to be in our hearts and prayers even if was only for that one week.  I encourage you if you are waiting or have a referral do not put that child out of your mind for fear of pain.  The Lord will see you through even if your adoption does not go through with this child.  He has put that child in your life for this time for a purpose.  Perhaps it is just to shower him or her with prayers for a brief time. Perhaps it is to make them a permanent part of your family.  Do not second guess the sovreignty of God by hiding your heart.  He will protect you and your emotions.  Don't miss out on one second of love!

We did not end up parenting the first child we were matched with.  But I prayed over him or her for a month.  I still do pray for that child.  I would not have
wanted to miss that opportunity and the pain it caused us was worth it for the opportunity to cover that child and mom in prayer for that brief time.

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